Here's How Mediation Helped Two Families

Brother's Actions Created Deep Distrust

Mom died in July and Dad is in the VA nursing home. They owned a home which would have been paid for except that a brother took out a second mortgage on the home years ago. He was also the executor of the estate. The other siblings now do not trust the brother.The family had to consider selling the house. However, the trust level was so low that the discussion will either be superficial and passive or hostile, aggressive, and angry. Lawsuits were not an option because of the cost, time, and dubious benefits. The family turned to mediation.

Mediation helped this family do three things: (1) gain clarity about intentions and expectations around the second mortgage, (2) establish clear boundaries around the sale of the house, (3) open honest and authentic communications that might lead to future reconciliation. They avoided further disintegration of the family and agreed upon a sound plan for caring for Dad.

Lonely Uncle Creates Rift Between Nieces and Nephews

Unlce Joe died and left a will in which he named his nephew Bill executor and sole beneficiary. Bill had six brothers and sisters who felt entitled to a share of Uncle Joe's estate because they blood relations. The family was not close to the uncle; however, Bill was the closest. When Joe found out he was terminally ill, he had a lawyer draw up his will. Joe invited Bill to come up to his house for a "look around". It was the first time Bill had ever been to his home; no one else was invited or had ever been there. Joe allowed Bill to help during the remaining months of his life, doing laundry, food shopping, taking him to chemotherapy treatments.

Bill was the one who found Joe dead in his home. Bill arranged Joe's funeral and paid for it himself. After the funeral, Bill invited his brothers and sisters to Joe's house because they were curious about how and where Joe lived. One brother was belligerent and resentful. Two other siblings told Bill that Uncle Joe should have divided his estate among all of them! They told Bill that while he was entitled to the lion's share, they should each get a percentage. They insinuated that Bill would be outcast from the family if he did not give them what they wanted.

Bill's lawyer told him that contesting a sound will was an expensive, uphill battle. Any lawyer worth his salt would not attempt to challenge Joe's will since it was completely in order. He had all the clauses, the affadavit of signature, everything.

Ulitmately, the family was able to come to mediation to discuss the problem. They learned how the three dynamics of family justice, equity, equality and need, were at the root of their conflict. By exploring their true interests, needs, goals, and desires, they were able to collaborate on a plan for distributing Joe's estate that would be fair to all and preserve the family.

The secret is to bring in Doug's skills as early as possible. In nearly every situation, Doug can help your family find peace, fair results, and avoid expensive, relationship-ripping lawsuits.

While specific outcomes are impossible to predict or guarantee, the following outcomes will generally occur:

1. The family will have a very clear understanding of all of the issues and be able to articulate those issues to each other.
2. The family will develop the skill to have difficult conversations about business and personal matters with respect, dignity, and civility.
3. The family will learn processes for resolving disputes.
4. The family will learn to appreciate and work with feelings and emotions in a pragmatic and respectful way.
5. The family will understand all of the interests, needs, goals, and desires that motivate each family member.
6. The family will engage in a strategic problem-solving process with the desired goal of agreements on how to satisfy the identified interests, needs, goals, and desires.
7. The family will develop accountability standards and procedures.
8. The family will identify the universe of solutions to the issues it faces and decide what solutions will work best.
9. The family will implement the solutions it chooses and monitor whether each family member is satisfied with the outcome.  If there is dissatisfaction, the family will learn how to work to solve the dissatisfaction in a constructive, collaborative manner.
10. Relationships will be strengthened.
11. Business decisions will be realistic, pragmatic, and achievable.

Email Doug today to set up an initial consultation. There is no charge for Doug's preliminary analysis and assessment of your situation.